rants

Ch. de Queue de Ouais de

Chemin de queue de ouais de…or, in English, Shoulda Coulda Woulda.

Form follows function. Associated with architecture, ‘form follows function’ states that the shape of a building or object should be based on its intended purpose.

Around Ottawa, including Quebec, French-speaking pedestrians and bicyclists may find streets more navigable than car drivers. Why? Because the street signs in this area are printed so small that you cannot decipher the text in a vehicle until you are upon the road.

Additionally, in Quebec, where 80% of the population speaks French (the official language), street names are printed en francais seulement, n’est-ce pas. Unfortunately, many maps of the area use English or alternate names for the same streets. So a navigator might encounter a road with three names.

The City and Province shoulda and coulda solved this communication issue by 1) providing bi-lingual street signs and maps, 2) increasing the font size of street signs, and/or 3) placing street signs farther in advance of intersecting streets.

Form follows function.

Help visitors contact you by providing readily accessible contact information in all of your marketing collateral, both print and online, n’est-ce pas?

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Selling Ice to Eskimos

Have you ever heard someone describe a salesman so good he could “sell ice to Eskimos?” Well, that’s not a salesman; that’s a conman.

Marketing means providing solutions to real problems. Anyone who can sell ice to Eskimos is likely morally flexible; a position with the CIA or some other clandestine organization might be more appropriate than sales or marketing.

This week, the Puget Sound Business Journal reported that Talking Rain recently “plunged into the organic water market.” President Doug MacLean thinks “[the market] is huge.”

Now, keep in mind, that only Talking Rain’s natural additives are certified organic. Because, like half way crooks, there’s no such thing as organic H2O. In fact, municipal water supplies are under more stringent water quality regulations than bottled water certification, which is completely voluntary.

The International Bottled Water Association (IBWA) is not just niche marketing to consumers. Like the clean water that runs freely from your tap, IBWA is running a pure con to consumers.

Bottled water is almost completely unregulated. The EPA has no authority over bottled water companies. Doesn’t that make you feel safe?

Facts about bottled water:

Americans drink 26 gallons per person annually
1.5 million barrels of oil consumed annually for packaging

Are you outraged yet? Be bold. Sound off at Grist.

Thanks to my friend Lisa for bringing this greenwashing to the attention of Grist readers.

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DQ: Sweet Treats, Sour Brand Image

Casual Fridays Gone Bad

Marketing is more than branding your image. Take my recent visit to the Cle Elum Dairy Queen. The Heath Bar Blizzard and cherry sundae sure tasted sweet, but our experience was sour…

Good food, good service and good value are what most customers expect from any restaurant. You expect the traditional DQ menu of Cool Treat Deals, DQ Baskets, and Blizzards. You don’t expect the Plus It: Add Plumber’s Buttcrack to every order for no extra charge!

Employees’ slovenly attire impacts how customers recall Dairy Queen’s brand image. Gone are the strawberry red lips, the DQ moniker. What’s left is a memory of unprofessionalism. DQ’s tolerance for indecent dress not only tarnishes its brand image, but it offends customers who still believe belts keep your pants up, not down.

Up and down doesn’t matter when you’re mountain biking and climbing around Leavenworth and Cashmere. It’s all fun.

Check out our recent mountain bike photos.

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